What a journey…

Hey Pretty Human!

Sorry about being MIA the last two weeks.

It was my birthday on June 9th, I had a close friend visit from Indy and spend some much needed 'girl' time together until this past Monday.

Another very exciting announcement is I just had my 4-year anniversary at Awin this past Monday (June 15th)!

So it's been a very exciting and busy week with all these milestones both peronsally and professionally.

I wanted to share with you all something more personal than professional.

I hope that's alright.

‼️trigger warning that it's about suicidal thoughts.‼️

As I just turned 32, I'll admit, it doesn't feel much different than 31, other than I am 'deeper' in my thirties now.

As family, friends, and colleagues know, I tend to have a big personality and almost always smiling.

I shared with you all that I was struggling to blog due to my mental health but what many don't know is what was really happening behind the scenes.

It was the most challenging/hardest year of my life and my mental health was suffering very bad.

I was in the, "fake it until you make it" season.

It felt like everything was on fire.

There didn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Then October 18th came.

It was my best friend's birthday. It was a normal day.

I wished her a happy birthday, told her how much I loved her and that I didn't know what I would without her all these years.

Little did she, or really, anyone know, that later that day, I would experience extremely strong suicidal thoughts.

As I was driving to visit a friend, I had to pull over on the side of the road.

I just sat there, crying.

My mind was trying to convince me that this would be my 'only' option.

“I wasn't important.”

“Nobody cares.”

“What was the point?”

It was terrifying because I didn't want to die.

I eventually made it to my friends house. We talked. I cried.

Life didn't immediately get 'better' after that day but I kept going.

Now, as I reflect on turning 32, I keep thinking about everything I would have missed if I had listened.

I wouldn't have:

- Solo traveled to Spain and Portugal

- Watched my best friend's daughters turn one.

- Received a promotion

- Become a godmother to my other best friend's son

- Had my first paid sponsorship

- Visited a close friend in Denver for two weeks.

- Taken a road trip to Pittsburgh and watch the Packers beat the Steelers.

So many incredible moments, big and small, happened because the storm cloud did eventually run out of rain.

I waited it out and I'm so happy I did.

For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am so proud of myself and…

I’m genuinely happy.

I don't have it all figured out but I kept going.

If you're struggling please remember that the way you feel today isn't necessarily how you'll feel six months or a year from now.

I know that because I lived it.

You're never alone, no matter how much your thoughts try to convince you.

You really do matter. 🫶🏻